Homeward Bound?

I've been thinking a lot about home lately. Like, I would like to move there.

This time last year, I couldn't even bear to be home for two full days. I was in and out of New England in less than 24 hours when my brother got married.

I've been homesick for a few months now. I even planned a trip to go home, but some changes at work meant that I had to cancel my vacation. I can't even describe how disappointed I was. And while feeling gutted like that isn't fun, it was eye opening. I'm growing through my pain.

Right now I'm living in a very confusing spot in my mind. I don't know what to do? Moving home would bring uncertainty, and while I don't love where I am now, I know where I am.

I do have my brother to thank for giving me some things to think about. He turned out okay, it seems.

Why Don't I Blog?

Okay, so maybe that's a stupid question. Look at the title of my blog. Clearly, I'm not exciting!

However, I am funny. I don't know that I can capture that funny on the page. I feel as though I can't. With the exception of the toilet rat story. That was funny when I wrote it down, but it was not funny when it happened.

Ridiculous things happen to me. (Not that I am the only person who has ridiculous things happen. They happen to plenty of people. I'm just saying.) So, you'd think that funny + ridiculous thing = omglulz. Maybe the key is to take notes during my day. No, I can't even be funny without being a nerd first.

Employment

I was laid off at the beginning of the summer. I've been working continuously since I was sixteen years old, and during one summer, I worked two jobs. I've always been a hard worker, and I'm one who takes pride in my work, whether it's vacuuming or compounding prescriptions.

When the layoff came, I had a very hard time. Not simply because I was without a job, but because I was so afraid that others would think it was a reflection on me and my quality of work. Ever since I had been with that company, I gave everything I had. In the beginning, there wasn't much work for me in my downtime, so I made up projects for myself so I wouldn't feel guilty for being paid to do nothing. These projects would be useful to me because they furthered my knowledge and skill within the company. By the time I left, I was concerned those attributes didn't matter. I saw it as a personal affront, rather than what it was, which was a financial decision.

Two an a half weeks ago, though, I started another job. A job at a fantastic company that will use several of my skill sets, and it's in a very positive environment. I came across it at just the right time in my life, and I think that's a great sign. I'm excited to work in an office environment as I previously telecommuted. That might sound silly to some, but I am new to the area, and this is a way for me to meet other people, where if I had continued to work from home, I wouldn't have had that opportunity. I know I'd not have gone out of my way to meet people for no reason.

Tomorrow marks the halfway point in my training. I'm really excited to start my real shift at the regular time I'm supposed to work so I can get into a routine.

I stole this from Fresh Princess.

And she'll not be happy with me ;)


1. What time did you get up this morning? 6:30

2. Diamonds or pearls? Hemp

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? The Hangover

4. What is your favorite TV show? News Radio, but it's not current.

5. What did you have for breakfast? Granola with rice milk and a bit of yogurt.

6. What is your middle name? One that stays off teh internets.

7. What is your favorite food? Cheese.

8. What foods do you dislike? Anything from the ocean, sadly. I WANT to like seafood, but I don't.

9. What is your favorite chip flavor? I do not like chips very much.

10. What is your favorite CD at the moment? I will pretend that says MP3. Song would have to be "21 Guns" by Green Day.

12. Favorite sandwich? One that does not involve bread. A hummus wrap, probably.

13. What characteristic do you despise? Assholery.

14. Favorite item of clothing? Comfy skirts.

15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Right now, a European cruise, starting in Ireland.

16. Favorite brand of clothing? Most of my clothes are from boutiques, and Macy's comes in second.

17. Where would you retire to? California.

18. Favorite time of the day? Middle of the night when nobody can bother me.

19. What was your most memorable birthday? Probably my 25th birthday when my friends took me to a martini bar and I learned that it's a lot harder to bounce back from a hangover in your 20s than it is in your teens.

20. Where were you born? A city in New Hampshire.

21. Favorite sport to watch? Baseball, with hockey as a close second.

22. What fabric detergent do you use? Hippie detergent! Mrs. Meyer's Clean Day lavender detergent.

23. Coke or Pepsi? I generally drink water, but I prefer (diet) Pepsi to Coke.

24. Are you a morning person or a night owl? Night owl.

25. What is your shoe size? Between six or seven, depending on the brand.

26. Do you have any pets? My dog has a human.

27. Any new and exciting news you want to share with family and friends? Exactly zero exciting things happened to me today.

28. What did you want to be when you were little? cashier. An astronaut until the Challenger disaster. Then a ballerina until third grade. Then, a marine biologist.

Sadface!

I miss my friend to the north. I guess she's to the south right now.

Wah wah wah

I started to write a post about how I don't want to go back home next month. Wah wah wah, cue the violins. This is a very depressing blog. I will list the positive things that I can do/experience back east...whether or not I'll have time is another story. Many of them involve food.

1. My brother's wedding, and the point of the trip
2. Tomato garlic nachos
3. Blueberry ale (!!)
4. Fenway Park
5. The ocean
6. Old friends (aaaand now I have Simon and Garfunkle stuck in my head)
7. Hike
8. Cheese fries in CollegeTown. Only if brother can go

Well, that ought to be okay. The ocean and Fenway alone are pretty good reasons to be in NE. I don't even care which seats I get anymore. I certainly don't care if I'm not in left field now!

So, I'm crazy

I know I'll get yelled at for saying this. But I feel crazy sometimes. I know I'm not actually crazy. I am neurotic. Oh, I have so many neuroses, but as far as I know, I'm not actually psychotic.

I don't know why I deal with things in such an inefficient way. I like to lock everything up inside of myself until I burst. I like to sit and think and reflect and I know that I can't do anything to change past events or anything like that, but a lot of my reflection is centered around what ifs and replaying things in my head. I suppose I shouldn't say that I "like" doing that, but that's how I'm used to doing it. I don't have a way that I prefer to deal, but it's not like I clear my schedule on a Friday night to do all of this.

I'm trying therapy again. I know therapy is good. At the very least, I can claim trendy. It rattles me, though. My therapist is able to accurately assess my motivations behind certain actions, and I hardly know him. I don't wish to be so transparent. I work to keep people out. I know, that's an issue, but I don't care! I like keeping control of who knows what. I like order and control. Honestly, there are worse ways to achieve this feeling. I eat normally, I don't exercise myself down to a certain weight...I think this is healthier.

I'm just cranky because change is hard and I'm stubborn.