Wah wah wah

I started to write a post about how I don't want to go back home next month. Wah wah wah, cue the violins. This is a very depressing blog. I will list the positive things that I can do/experience back east...whether or not I'll have time is another story. Many of them involve food.

1. My brother's wedding, and the point of the trip
2. Tomato garlic nachos
3. Blueberry ale (!!)
4. Fenway Park
5. The ocean
6. Old friends (aaaand now I have Simon and Garfunkle stuck in my head)
7. Hike
8. Cheese fries in CollegeTown. Only if brother can go

Well, that ought to be okay. The ocean and Fenway alone are pretty good reasons to be in NE. I don't even care which seats I get anymore. I certainly don't care if I'm not in left field now!

So, I'm crazy

I know I'll get yelled at for saying this. But I feel crazy sometimes. I know I'm not actually crazy. I am neurotic. Oh, I have so many neuroses, but as far as I know, I'm not actually psychotic.

I don't know why I deal with things in such an inefficient way. I like to lock everything up inside of myself until I burst. I like to sit and think and reflect and I know that I can't do anything to change past events or anything like that, but a lot of my reflection is centered around what ifs and replaying things in my head. I suppose I shouldn't say that I "like" doing that, but that's how I'm used to doing it. I don't have a way that I prefer to deal, but it's not like I clear my schedule on a Friday night to do all of this.

I'm trying therapy again. I know therapy is good. At the very least, I can claim trendy. It rattles me, though. My therapist is able to accurately assess my motivations behind certain actions, and I hardly know him. I don't wish to be so transparent. I work to keep people out. I know, that's an issue, but I don't care! I like keeping control of who knows what. I like order and control. Honestly, there are worse ways to achieve this feeling. I eat normally, I don't exercise myself down to a certain weight...I think this is healthier.

I'm just cranky because change is hard and I'm stubborn.